Devil's Due - Matty Jacobson

THE SKEWED REVIEW | FILM

In my never-ending quest to find the next sleeper horror hit, the likes of which leave me awake at night ("Paranormal Activity 3!"), I paid real, actual dollars to see "Devil's Due." 

It's a mockumentary, found footage style, about a newly-married woman who is impregnated by, Satan, I guess, while on her honeymoon. 

It's not a spoiler. I mean, look at the movie title. 

The reason I think it should be torn into a million pieces and then shoved down the throats of the filmmakers is this: If you want to make a truly scary movie in this day and age, you need to eliminate motive and explanation. Seriously. 

Something can be creepy, scary, haunting without having to be explained to the audience. In fact, when you don't explain the origin of something to the audience, said audience is left to dream up their own personal nightmare instead. 

That's why the very first "Paranormal Activity" worked so well -- despite the horrible acting. The demon was never shown, so we were all left to imagine what it would look like. And there's only one person in the world who can imagine the scariest thing ever. That's you -- thinking about the scariest thing ever to you. 

"Devil's Due" gives us a stupid rehash of "The Last Exorcism" in that not only is Satan's baby inside this woman, but there's also a group of people -- a coven or whatever -- who are actively making sure the Antichrist is born. 

So, no. I wasn't scared. There were no good GOTCHA scares. There wasn't anything that made this film any better than the worst found footage film I've seen. Laaaaaame. 

Save your money. 

Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones - By Matty Jacobson

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THE SKEWED REVIEW | FILM

What was it about "Paranormal Activity" that scared the living hell out of me? The acting wasn't great, the production was cheap, and the whole concept was kind of cheesy.

Nonetheless, the first in the franchise made it hard for me to sleep for a while. I didn't care for the second one at all, but for some reason, the third installment scared me even more than the first. The unseen demon Toby pretty much followed me home from the movie theater. At least, in my mind he did.

So I figured there was a pattern. Even numbered "Paranormal Activities" are the ones to skip. So of course I wanted to check out "The Marked Ones" in hopes that the odd-numbered trend would continue.

I mean, yeah, it sucks trying to sleep when you're so scared, but it's also fun to get that scared in the first place.

Well, I was incredibly disappointed. What made the original and the third movies so great was that unseen presence of something that is trying to hurt you. The second film wasn't as successful because of all the cameras. But "Marked Ones" just comes across as another generic found footage film, documenting what some random teenager is going through.

That sense of something huge and evil lurking in the shadows is sadly missing. And, as in every "Activity" film, I found the explanation of the goings-on unnecessary. The whole tracing-it-back-to-witches thing sort of detracts from the mystery.

I think "Paranormal Activity" has run its course. If you're not going to give us Toby, then don't give us anything at all.

American Hustle - By Matty Jacobson

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THE SKEWED REVIEW | FILM

Christian Bale has never been my most favorite of actors. Essentially, he's kind of a prick. And don't get me started on Bradley Cooper, who's penchant for playing douchebags leaves a rotten smell in my nose. And as for Jennifer Lawrence? Listen, I really like the girl. I think the's got a great attitude about life, and she's obviously a good actress or else she wouldn't have received an Academy Award. But her role in "American Hustle" seemed like a struggle for her.

OK, so now that I've got all my bitchiness out, allow me to elaborate on what I really thought of "American Hustle."

Dammit, this film is good. I'm not the only one who thinks so. Ninety-two percent of critics on RottenTomatoes.com loved this movie, too. A slightly lower, but still impressive, 81 percent of regular old movie-goers like you and I loved it, too.

First off, the main selling point for me was not the always wonderful Amy Adams, or even the great (but sometimes slightly homophobic in a "he doeth protest too much" kind of way) Jeremy Renner. While those two are great, I was initially wooed by the costume design.

I live and die for glam, so the fabulous clothes (especially those worn by Adams) got me hook, line and sinker. Everything else -- the great and engaging storyline, the super suspenseful scene with Robert De Nero, the mind-blowing ending -- was just kind of an afterthought.

But as afterthoughts go, they were good ones. I literally gasped at one point, and I don't consider myself the gasping kind -- at least not in movie theaters.

"American Hustle" was an excellent combination of suspense, comedy, clothes and "Oceans 11"-esque trickery. I loved it, and I'll see it again. This was one of the best pieces of art to come out of 2013.